Job search update

Last Thursday I put in applications at Menard's, Lowe's, Old Navy and GNC. Yesterday, I got a call from Menard's, so I called them back today and scheduled an interview for tomorrow (Friday) at 10:30. About ten minutes later, Old Navy called and wanted to schedule an interview for Saturday at 2. The Old Navy one is evidently just a part-time opening, though they said if I took the job and a full-time position opened up later they'd give me that. So, we'll see what comes of this. Hopefully I'll have some kind of steady job by the end of the weekend. I might end up taking both and sticking with whichever one works out better for me.

A Cusp

I'm finally starting to crack under the pressure of all the ridiculous bullshit I've been forcing upon myself for too long now. I'm getting awfully tired of all the talk of motivation mumbo-jumbo I keep subjecting myself to. I sound like some kind of apologist hippy. I've been telling myself for too long that I don't have the kind of inherent drive to get things done that other people do, and it's been a lie all along to keep myself from having to step outside my little life of ease and face the realities that billions of people face every day.

I'm extremely tired of this unhealthy life of decadence I've been leading. Every day I stay up til the wee hours of the morning, I spend what hours I am awake goofing off, wasting precious hours every day where I could be working to improve my station, alleviating the totally unnecessary pressures I've put upon myself through nothing but laziness. I drink too much, smoke cigarettes, laze around day in and day out, spend money like I won the lottery, and have in general just let myself go. I never exercise, don't keep myself up nearly as well as I should, don't even keep this crappy little closet I live in clean, like it's big enough to take any time at all (it's not; it's about the size of a large bedroom). Ostensibly it's all been under the pretense that I'm living some kind of carefree life, but it's resulted in being about as stressed out and down on myself as I've ever been before. It is past time to get my life on track. I know I'm capable of being at least as efficient and hardworking as anybody else, because I got all sorts of praise during my time in Fallujah, kept the platoon and especially my own vehicle running smoothly. I just have to stop letting myself get away with so much nonsense, and man up to the fact that I have to play by the same rules as everyone else.

Amusing side note: This rant and the generally ticked-off mood I'm in is the result of not being able to get back to sleep at 7 in the morning because I was plagued with so many concerns, so much I felt like I absolutely had to get done or I'd lose my mind, and all this after maybe 3.5 hours of sleep. Evidently even I am not allowed to cause my own sleep deprivation...do whatever you want to me, just don't cause me any shortage of sleep, or I will go to the root cause of any problem to make sure it never happens again.